My Friend Went To Heaven

In the dark of the night, you left.

Not just the earth, but everyone who loved you. 

You felt there was nothing, that your life was a mess.

You tried for so long, but those black vines kept pulling you down.

You kept your happy face on, only some knew your heart.

I tried to help, but it was beyond my ability.

All I could do was pray. 

Now you're gone, I realise how much I loved you,

and how much others love you.

I didn't know how much you were a part of my life.

I am missing you more than I could've imagined.

I feel heartbroken, angry, sad, awful, helpless. And relieved.

Relieved that your battle is over, that you're no longer struggling...

that you're in peace.

You were always making me laugh, and now the tears fall and fall.

I can't believe you did this; can't believe you're gone. 

I want to talk to you, just one more time.

You're gone, but you're in heaven now.

Thanks for everything, Troy. 

I love you, I miss you, I'll never forget you.

Spanner xx 

Play the drums for Jesus in heaven!

{A week ago, my friend Troy made the choice to end his life}

{It was one of the most heartbreaking, awfullest things}

Wear What Makes you Feel Happy

they all expect me to be like them

they expect to be the same

why can't we be different?

what's wrong with being unique??

here's some advice-

don't follow the crowd

be yourself- follow your heart

do what you want to do

who cares what they say?

it may be hard at first

but in the long run, it'll be better

you'll be more happy

if you're true to yourself

not pretending

to be someone you're not

if your friends don't like it

why call them friends?

those who stick by your side

they're the ones you should love forever

so go ahead- take the first step

it'll be a sign of strength

and you never know-

others may be holding back too

{This is an old, old photo that I took 4 years ago. I love seeing improvement in my photos, haha.} 

She...

SHE

she stretches out happy and content. 
lazing in the sun with the ones she loves.

she's happy surrounded in a bubble of peacefulness

creating a perfect picture.

she arrives in a swirl of rainbow. life of the party.

she returns to find her life's been turned around.

she fills her room with the sound of music. trying to block out yelling voices.

she dreams a fairytale life. a slamming door interupts and her dream shatters.

............

she yawns and stretches. warm feet on cold floor.

ear to the door. listening for their voices.

she musters every ounce of confidence she has and pushes open the door

their world is still with bitterness hanging in the air.

pretending nothing has happened. little do they know she has been listening

she floats around in the form of a moonlit shadow.

like a ghost she wisps in and out of her so-called life

............

thoughts cluster up her mind and 

she breathes deeply knowing it wasn't her fault.

she frowns. this is not what life is meant to be

she stares out the window. watching sparrows flying around in freedom

her eyes overflow with tears that are invisible
............

she prays a prayer for her life to get back the way it used to be.

an angel comes along and heals the wounds

the people around her return to their lives of harmony

gradually the pieces are placed together. it all starts to make sense.

the jigsaw of her life is complete.

she starts to smile and realises it's all over

life begins again much better than it ever was before

The Wise Pebble

i picked up a pebble

it was round and smooth

how did it get so smooth and round?

was it born like that?

i wondered

the answer dawned on me

it was because

the pebble had much experience

in life

(photo from here)